Thursday, March 27, 2014

Five Random Thoughts

1.  You know how people used to pinch your cheeks when you were little?  If not, be ye thankful.  Well the other year (yes this thought has been a long time coming) I found myself pinching a child's cheeks.  And I've caught myself saying things like, "You are getting so big," and "I remember when you were just born."  People always said these things to me when I was little and I would just nod and think, "Like I haven't heard that before."  What does a child even say to that? "Well you're big too!"

Anyway, as I find myself saying the things I once hated, I've come to understand that I should never judge older people for their sayings.  Sometimes kids are hard to talk to, so you just say something to get the conversation started.  And sometimes the kids really do seem to have grown a foot since you last saw them.

So maybe when older people say things to me now, I'm just hearing what I'll be saying in ten years.

2.  Along with that, I feel like older people really DO have a much better grasp on life.  They are seeing things from the end of a journey.  Sort of like getting to the top of a mountain hike.  They can see the whole hike they've been on and know where the pitfalls are.  Whereas we are still on this hike, figuring it out as we go.

So the conclusion I've come to is that, these oldies, with their wider perspective want to comfort the youngsters with their knowledge and wisdom.  They tell us not to do certain things because we will regret it.  Or that we should cherish certain times, because it all goes by so fast.  And while they are most likely right, the fact of the matter is, young people don't care.  They, just like the oldies, must go through life in order to learn their own lessons.  I think the oldies just want to save us the pain they went through with their little gems of wisdom.  But we need to go through our own trials to learn for ourselves this wisdom.

I don't know what the solution is, should oldies just stop giving advice and just sit back and watch the struggle?  Or should they continue to shout out warnings down the hill, even though they won't be appreciated.

Maybe, we all just need to be sympathetic to people no matter what their stage in life.  Life sucks, no matter if you're five, fifteen, or fifty.  Maybe we should lend an ear instead of dishing out our wisdom.

I don't know, what do you think?

(Please excuse my callous use of the word "oldies", but...if you're older than me...you are an oldie, and if you're younger than me, you're a youngin.)

3.  Guys, I did this incredible drawing of Jack the other day.  I spent so long on it and it was in color (which is new for me) and it was so beautiful.  But then I took a break and went back to admire my masterpiece.  And I realized I had drawn Jack's evil twin.  I gave him demon eyes and everything.  What a waste of time and emotion.  What a waste.

4.  I'm loving this rain lately.  I think I get seasonal depression.  Just the opposite of normal.  When it's too sunny for too long, I just get bummed out.

5.  One thing I never expected from marriage was the role attraction plays.  I just assumed that the minute I got married my attraction towards any other man besides Chris would just shut off.  That is not the case.  You are still the same person.  I always read about how wives need to give their husbands slack for looking at other women.  How does the phrase go?  If you look once you're a man, if you look twice you're a...something negative.  Anyways, this phrase applies to both males and females.

I always hated how people would say that love is a choice.  How unromantic can you get?  But it's true, I choose everyday to love Chris.  I choose everyday to make Chris my one and only.  And I think the choosing is what really brings us closer together.  We invest so much in each other, and we do it consciously, and I think that makes us appreciate our love even more.


(The thoughts expressed in this blog post represent the views of the writer and may not apply to everyone.) Imagine that said very fast, like in the end of the commercial.

Wednesday, March 5, 2014

The Oscars/MMA's 2

The time has come again for my Oscar fashion recap.  Or, the Second Annual MMA's (Melani Alberts Awards).  

"Who am I to judge fashion?" you may ask. I'll have you know that I accessorize one whole day a week.  And, although I may sometimes wear my pjs all day, usually its no more than 2 consecutive days.

First Up...Best Dressed Award: The top six, from best dressed to very best dressed.

7. Tara Lapinski.  I do enjoy the pattern and sheen of this dress.  It's like a formal version of the Vonn Trapp outfits.  And I do love the fullness at the bottom.  Also, why is a former Olympic ice skater at the Oscars? Just wondering.

Number 6: Camila Alves McConaughey.  Baby pink seems to be popular these days.  And Camila wears it very well.  I like how this dress has a side-cape-thingy.  I'm sure that's what designer Gabriela Cadena labeled it in her initial sketches of the gown.  Plus, I like how Matthew chose to match his wiffle-ball (wife).

Number 5: Glen Close.  I always like to see formal outfits worn by celebrities, that I could wear, because they are modest enough.  I could really care less how they dress, I just like to imagine what I would wear if I were famous.  Now, usually it's only the old ladies who cover up.  But, it's the classy old ladies.  And Glen is working this black number.  I think she actually added that jacket to the original design.  Maybe she was trying to cover her relief society arms or maybe she also knows, modest is hottest.

Number 4: Maria Menounos.  Another modest dress! And, hey what do ya know? It's not being worn by an oldie.  This fabric just looks heavy and rich.  Also I like her hair.


Number 3: Jenna Dewan Tatum.  I love how there isn't a visible neckline.  The crystals just sort of float.  And I do love a good ruffle.  Plus, Jenna is gorgeous...I feel like she could make a plastic Walmart sack look chic.

Number 2: Cate Blanchett.  Turns out I enjoy the sparkly dresses.  And even though Cate's dress has little dingles all over it...I love it.  And Cate has to be one of the most elegant people on the earth. 

And Number 1: Charlize Theron.  Usually she wears things with over sized bows in weird places.  But this gem is stunning.  I love the sheer fabric on the train and the nearly invisible straps.


Onto the Worst Dressed Award.  Prepare your eyes.

Starting with the least offensive:
Number 4: Sidney Poitier's Arm Candy.  I don't know her name...yes...the man's name is Sidney.  But the lady in question appears to be wearing an emergency blanket, complete with packing creases.  The good news; if a freak blizzard were to hit LA, Sidney's GF would have warm legs.

Number 3. Kellen Lutz:  I just feel like that single button in his suit jacket has taken on more than it can handle.  Maybe if Kellen was not wearing tux-leggings (teggings?) or leprechaun hair, this ensemble would look better. 

Number 2: Ireland Baldwin.  This dress looks as though it was made from some rogue doilies.  Maybe a child's Valentine's card gone wrong.  It just looks messy and haphazard.

Number 1: Or the worst of them all...Anne Hatheway: She seems to love these high necked, leg hugging numbers.  Fifty nine percent of the reason I don't like this dress might have to do with my dislike of Anne herself.  Sorrynotsorry.


Onto the next category:
People Who Tied Their Bow Ties Without Looking in a Mirror Award
Steve McQueen:

and Karen O's date:


What Is She Hiding Under There? Award
Christine Teigen: Not so bad....don't worry...it gets worse.

Veerle Baetens: Maybe she's just preggo.

Lea Drucker: But this...I see no excuse for this.  If Sidney Poitior's GF isn't staying warm in her emergency blanket, she can crawl under the tent that is Lea's dress.


Best Make-Up Award
Emma Watson:  Maybe it's just her immaculate face.  However, I feel it should be noted that Emma was runner up for the Worst Hair Award.


Worst Make-Up Award
Cristin Milioti: At least now we have definitive proof that vampires, do indeed, exist.


Best Hair Award:
Kristin Bell.  A fabulous poof.


Worst Hair Award:
Amy Adams: Her poof seems to have migrated to the eastern regions of her head.


Best Baby Bump Award
Olivia Wilde: Speaking of Olivia Wilde, I am 35% sure I saw her in the LA airport a few weeks ago...so...that's pretty cool.


Hen Boobs Award:
You may be wondering what 'hen boobs' look like.  Try to recall Lady Cluck from Robin Hood.  Hen boobs are big and perky...and yet also saggy.  They just seems to take up a large portion of the chest/stomach area.  They start big and slowly taper down. And thus ends my paragraph on boobs.
And without further ado...
Angelina Jolie:


You Wore Your Name Award
Goldie Hawn: Goldie proudly wearing gold.


Is That Dress Supposed to Look Crooked? Award
Kerry Washington:


How is that Staying Up? Award
aka
Liberal Use of Double-Sided Tape Award
Eric Warren's GF:

Give that Woman a Doughnut! Award
Kelly Ripa:


The Most Schlumpy Award
Paul Dano: He's over it.  All of it.


Ending on a high note.
The Perfect Gentleman Award
Chris Hemsworth:

and Bradley Cooper:

Until next year.